


Really Alive?

by BoBoK



Category: Cowboy Bebop (Anime)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21834112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoBoK/pseuds/BoBoK
Summary: Spike has lost everything. His woman, his eye, and his only rival.He’s left without meaning, without a purpose in life.But he has something he doesn’t even know exists: A family.The Bebop
Relationships: Spike Spiegel/Faye Valentine
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. Pilot

* * *

“So… He really left?” The tall man asked.

  
“You know he did.” The woman hissed in response.

The man sighed and rubbed the top of his head with his metallic hand. “What did he say to you?”

“He said he’s going to see if he’s really alive.” She murmured, looking down the corridor she fired down, the corridor he walked away. “That ass.”

The man hummed and turned, turning and walking back into the main quarters of the ship. He took a seat on the yellow sofa, resting an ankle over his knee as he spread his arms over the top of the couch. 

She remained in the hallway, her fist still clenched tightly around the pistol. She lifted her hand to look at the grip of her weapon, focusing intently on the engravings that decorated it. Suddenly, her vision grew hazy and she blinked a few times, feeling a wet droplet fall onto her thumb. She had spent so much time focusing on who she was before she was frozen, that she had lost something she didn’t even know she had. 

A family.

_Jet_

_Ed_

_Ein._

Ed and Ein had left just a few days ago, leaving them behind with no farewells except for a large graffiti message plastered on the front of the ship. With their departure, she found herself missing what she had never thought she’d miss. Ein. A genetically modified Corgi for Heaven’s sake! 

The lack of Edward’s energy and excitement had left as she did, which left the Bebop a bitter and cold silence. Not to mention how much harder it had become to track down anyone or anything without Ed’s hacking abilities.

Jet, he had always been the one who was the glue of the Bebop crew. He held everyone together and his aura poured righteousness and duty to everyone else. He was able to connect with Spike, sometimes (rarely) keep him under control. He was always able to help her whenever she was stuck in a pinch. He even trusted Ed with his Bonsai tree! 

_Spike_

Spike was always an ass to her, he always got on her nerves. She couldn’t stand him. He had the audacity to tell her to simply forget about her past- Which was easy for him to say since he at least knew what his past was! She didn’t know what mistakes she made back then, or exactly how she was like, or what her parents were like. She didn’t know if she had any young lovers in her early teenage years, she didn’t know anything about who she was. She woke up and was simply titled Faye Valentine. A name she didn’t even pick.

It was him who told her to forget the past and she certainly wasn’t wrong to tell him he was tied to the past. He was tied to the past and they both knew that. Spike was more aware than anyone on the Bebop, that he was still tied to the past.

In a way, they all were tied to their pasts. Ed abandoned them before she was abandoned by them. Jet, couldn’t adapt to seeing his old life disappear right in front of him, she couldn’t figure out who she was in the past. But Spike… He was always aware, but he just didn’t care.

And Faye hated him for that. Jet hated him for that. And well- she was unsure if Ein and Ed hated him for that. 

But even though she hated him, even though she despised him— he was still a part of the Bebop family. He was a key component, as was Jet, Ed, and Ein.

She sank down to her knees as she released the pistol, letting it bounce on the floor. Her breath was trembling. She didn’t realize it, she was too consumed by her own obsession for answers. Too consumed to realize that she lost her family.

Then again, did any of the others realize they were a family? As dysfunctional, broken, and distrusting they were, it still felt as if they were a family.

She heard heavy bootstomps from behind her and she looked up and to her side, seeing Jet looming over her. “Wha—?” 

“You really think I’m going to let that idiot go and get himself killed?” He said with a side-smirk. 

She looked back down at her pistol, staring at it as silence filled the hallway. 

“Besides, this place would be boring without him being an ass all the time.” He huffed out as he began walking down the same path Spike took.

Faye grabbed her pistol off of the floor and followed shortly after the Black Dog. “Once the Black Dog bites into something, he never lets go.” She mumbled to herself. 

* * *

He remembered the one time in the past when he finished off the harmonica kid. He asked him if he understood the relief in death. Spike, back then, didn’t. He instead made his witty remark.

_Bang!_

But now Spike knew as he felt the overwhelming amount of hot red liquid spill out of the wound in his stomach. “Bang!” He said with a smirk as he fell to his face. He understood the relief in letting go and finally accepting that he no longer had a purpose for life. 

As his vision slowly began to grow dark. He had one final thought.

_I hope Faye and Jet are doing okay._

It bewildered him that he thought that suddenly. He never cared for their well-being and he didn’t care that he didn’t care. But why did he now? Faye was among the three things that he hated being on the ship. So he shouldn’t have cared at all! 

Spike released the tension over his wound and relaxed his body as he collapsed.

* * *

“C’mon, he’s this way!” The Black Dog ordered with a wave of his hand, a pistol in the other. 

Faye sprinted past him, her pistol drawn as she stepped over corpses of Red Dragon members. Glass crunched beneath her boots as she ran, going from cover to cover.

_Did he really do all of this?_

She continued on her path towards the top floor, Jet following after. The two entered an elevator and rose to the top floor, heading down a long corridor that led to large double doors and into a room full of guards who were all staring dumbfounded.

Faye looked to see what they were all staring at, noticing a figure on the stairs, blood pouring down the steps in crimson waterfalls. 

It was him. 

The lazy, indifferent, nonchalant, stoic, phlegmatic bounty hunter.

_sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴘᴀᴄᴇ ᴄᴏᴡʙᴏʏ_

* * *

  
  



	2. Waking of the Cowboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spike wakes up after being unconscious for a day and much to Faye’s dismay, feels as if he still has nothing left.

* * *

His eyes were blinded by a bright light as soon as they opened. He blinked a few times as the blinding white slowly transformed into a familiar rusted metallic roof. It was a dingy and plain surf blue color with low hanging lights. 

The air was stagnant and stuffy and the aroma of cigarette smoke wafted through the air, combining with the smells of oil and rusted metal. It filled his nostrils and he was overcome with a sense of ‘homeliness.’

He heard a woman singing a melody softly, he blinked again and turned his head to face the voice. “... Julia?” He asked before realizing it was Faye Valentine, sitting on a yellow couch across from him. His eyes narrowed and he turned to look back up at the roof before clenching his teeth.

Faye stopped her singing and looked at him. “Not quite.” She said before going back to hum a melody, a half-burnt cigarette in between her lips.

Suddenly, Spike’s calm demeanor shattered as he let out a loud rage-filled scream, sitting up before letting out a groan in pain. He put a hand over his bandaged stomach and struggled to his feet.

Faye yelped and her cigarette fell out of her mouth as she quickly stood up and looked at him. “What the hell are you doing!?” 

He limped weakly towards the doorway that led to the exit of the ship. “Why am I still alive?” He said as he stopped in the doorway.

“Jet and I went to go make sure you weren’t dead. Sure enough, you almost were, then we got you to a hospital.” Faye explained as she walked towards him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

  
“Great...” He muttered

* * *

“What the hell happened?!” Faye asked as she stared at everyone who was completely motionless. Jet and her exchanged a look before they both ran towards the staircase where Spike laid. 

She grabbed onto his shoulder and rolled him over, her eyes widening at the size of the gash on his stomach. Faye let out a trembling sigh as she looked back up at Jet, who was already fast on the phone calling for an ambulance.

_I hope you found your answer, Spike._

She holstered her pistol and slipped her sweater off of her arms, pressing it against Spike’s stomach. She then hooked her arms under his and began to drag him down the stairs while Jet led the way.

“I’m warning all of ya, don’t try and pick a fight because you will die!” Jet said as he trained his pistol on everyone in the room, who simply stared at them as they dragged him out.

Faye grunted “Why the hell am I the one dragging him?” She said as they entered the elevator, going back down to the ground level. 

“Because you never told me to.” Jet said with a shrug. The doors of the elevator opening with a loud dinging sound. “How’s he doing?” 

Faye looked back down at Spike, who was still barely clinging onto life. “His breathing is slow and he’s unconscious.” 

Jet let out a gruff grunt in response as he stepped out, clearing both sides. He gestured with his head for Faye to follow, which she did. They moved back down the stopped escalator (that wasn’t destroyed) and dragged him out of the building, where an ambulance was standing by.

Paramedics rushed out with a carrying table and assisted Faye by loading Spike onto the ambulance. Both Jet and Faye climbed into it and the doors slammed shut. 

The doctors wasted no time getting to work on the wound. They unbuttoned his jacket and cut open his shirt with scissors, using a rag and rubbing alcohol to clean his torso of all the blood, revealing the true size of the gash. They grabbed a needle and string, beginning to slowly stitch the wound shut. While doing so, another doctor grabbed an IV and cleaned off Spikes arm, sliding the needle into his skin.

Faye watched on as they continued to patch his body up, looking over at Jet who held a straight face. His arms were crossed and he was leaning back, staring at his partner’s body. 

The doctors began to spread some sort of foam-like substance over both of Spike’s wounds, covering the stitching. The foam soon dissipated and somewhat was absorbed into his skin and suddenly his wounds looked almost as if they weren’t there. There was a slight scar and the stitches left behind, but no sign of a gash.

The doctor looked up at both Faye and Jet. “He’s lucky that whatever cut him was razor sharp. It sliced cleanly through him but it didn’t tear or rip anything. All of his vital organs miraculously remained unharmed.”

“So, he’s going to live?” Jet asked.

The doctor nodded. “We can take you to your ship. He has no need of a hospital room. He just needs rest.”

Faye was pained to admit but she was happy that he survived. Happy that the Bebop was slowly becoming the same ole. 

* * *

Spike shrugged her hand off of his shoulder and began limping down the corridor. 

“Did you find an answer?” She called out to him.

“To what?” He asked, turning slightly.

“Are you really alive?” 

He paused for a moment and looked down at his bandaged torso. Suddenly he turned and gave her a forced smile. “Who knows?” He said, his smile fading as he approached her. “Can I have a cigarette?” 

Faye looked up at him and dug into her pocket, pulling out a cigarette and handing it to him, which he took and slipped into his mouth. She held up the lighter and lit the end of it, watching him inhale and blow out a puff of smoke.

Spike walked past her and laid back down on the couch, keeping the cigarette in between his fingers. 

Faye returned to her original spot, taking a seat on the couch as she smoked her own cig, looking at him with curious eyes. 

_‘Who knows?’_

_What the hell does he mean by that?!_

Spike noticed her sulking expression out of the corner of his eye. “You sang on key this time.” 

“What?” 

“You. Sang. On. Key.” He repeated. 

“Is that supposed to be some sort of compliment?” She asked.

Instead of responding, Spike simply chuckled. 

Suddenly, Jet burst into the room, an apron over his chest and plates in his hands. “Bell peppers and beef!” He said with a slight grin as he approached the couches. “And I thought I heard a yell.” He said as he noticed Spike smoking.

Spike sat up, grunting in pain as he rubbed his head, running a hand through his hair as he moved to the side, leaving room for Jet to take a seat. “I swear to god Jet, if there isn’t beef in this…” He muttered as the plate was set before him, and there it was. 

Bell peppers and _beef_. 

He smiled and grabbed a pair of chopsticks, immediately beginning to dig into the food, scarfing it down faster than any of them could even finish a single bite.

“I have never in my life seen Spike so happy.” Faye commented as she looked at him. 

“Yo, Jet. Do you have anymore?” 

“Yeah. But you go grab it yourself.” He said with a mouthful of food.

Spike grabbed his plate, nodded, and stood up, hobbling over towards the kitchen. He was basically just following his nose towards the sweet delicious beef and bell peppers. Once he arrived in the kitchen, he propped himself up on the doorframe before stumbling into the kitchen. He looked at the large frying pan that laid on the warm stove-top and grinned, grabbing the large ladle and loading his plate with a whole bunch of bell peppers and _a whole_ lot more beef. 

He sniffed the sweet aroma and let out a sigh as he began back towards the lodge. He sat back down besides Jet who shot him a glare. He looked across the table and looked at Faye who’s eyes were narrowed in his direction.

“What!? I’m starving.” He said before digging right back into his food.

“Riiiiiight.” Faye mumbled as she finished her plate. 

Her mind, once again, was stuck in the past. 

_‘Who knows?’_

His words echoed through her head. She kept repeating them. Was he so clueless as to what Bebop was? Did he not realize it was the only thing he had and he nearly abandoned it? 

She stared blankly down at her plate as she went into further thought.

_Was Bebop not good enough for you? Was Julia the only thing you cared about, Spike? Was it worth leaving Jet and I over? I know we’ve had our differences but this place just isn’t the same without you. Can’t you stay? Can’t you just say you’re alive!? You are alive! You escaped your past, nothing can hold you back to it, now!_

That’s what she wanted to say to him. But, Spike would never listen. Especially if it came out of her mouth.

“Faye?” Jet asked.

Her head shot up like a rocket as she looked at both of them, who were now staring at her. “What?” 

The two exchanged a look and shrugged before going back to eating their meals. 

Her face went red and she narrowed her eyes. She hated that guys never explained what was happening, specifically these two. They were always so conceited and they never ever spoke about themselves. The one time Spike ever spoke about himself to her was right before he went on his suicide mission and even then, it was incredibly vague. 

She grit her teeth and shook her head, standing up and heading for the bathroom to take a shower. 

* * *

Faye returned an hour or so later, walking back into the lounge to see the stoic Spike fast asleep on the couch, the back of his hand resting on his forehead while the other was hanging off the side of the sofa.

She noticed all the plates had disappeared, which meant Jet was most likely washing them or he had already done so and went to bed. 

She approached Spike and flicked him on the cheek. “Hey, Spike. Wake up.” 

He groaned and shuffled slightly in his sleep. 

She flicked him once more. “Get. Up.” 

He groaned out again. “What?” He asked tiredly, not even bothered enough to open his eyes. 

“Tell me.” 

His eye— the fake one— opened and he looked over at her. “Tell you what, Faye?” 

“Did you really find out if you were alive?” She asked.

He rolled his eyes and shut his eye again. “I thought we already talked about this.”

“I will not take ‘Who knows’ as an answer!” She said harshly. “Because to me you’ve always seemed lost, but the day Julia died was the same day Spike Spiegel died.” 

He remained silent for a moment before speaking up. “Faye. What is your obsession with me?” 

“It’s not an obsession!” She defended.

“Well. I don’t know. Does drifting through space with no purpose in the world other than to survive another day count as living? Because if not, then I am dead.” 

“Would you rather be dead, for real?” 

He stopped and looked over at her, his eyes narrowing. “Why do I care?” 

Faye bit her lip and her eye twitched in annoyance. “You should care because you have people that care about you, damnit!” She suddenly yelled.

Spike’s eyebrow curled up and he gave her a confused look. “Huh?”

“Jet, Ed, Ein… Me!?” She said, raising a finger for every person she listed. “Don’t we matter at all to you?!” 

Spike looked at her and began to sit up. “Faye. If you’re asking me to forget about Julia… About the Red Dragon. Give it up.” 

“I’m not asking you to forget. I’m asking you to move on.” 

Spike clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and staring down at the cold metal floor beneath him. “How do I move on… When my very own eye is stuck seeing the past.”

“That’s for you to figure out, Spike. But you better never go out and try and die like that again.” She said, crossing her arms.

He huffed out a sigh and raised one of his hands, holding his palm against his forehead. “You really don’t understand.” 

“Shut up.” She hissed out. “Now tell me…” She trailed off as she sat beside him, looking directly at him, their faces mere inches from one another. 

“Are you really alive?” 

Spike stared at her with his usual cold and emotionless stare. He began to close the space between them, his face hovering closer to hers. “Faye…” He whispered. 

Faye also moved closer, closing her eyes as she expected to meet his lips with her own. 

But all she heard was his quiet chuckle. She opened her eyes and saw that he pulled back and was now leaning back on the couch. “Wh-What!?” She cried out as her face grew red in both embarrassment and anger.

“You’re too tired for this conversation, Faye. I mean, you just tried to kiss me.” He said with a smirk. “Now let me go to bed. Let me sleep on your need-to-know question.”

Faye grumbled under her breath and stood up, walking towards her quarters.

* * *

Spike huffed out a sigh and lied down on his side, blinking a few times.

_Care for me? The Bebop crew?_

_Tch… Yeah, right._

He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair before he began to drift off into a dark, cold, and gentle sleep.

_sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴘᴀᴄᴇ ᴄᴏᴡʙᴏʏ_

* * *

  
  



End file.
